As has been stated before, I have an enormous ego. This should not surprise you. I am a writer. What’s more, I am a writer of fiction. I believe that you people should literally buy into my blatant lies, preferably with cold hard cash and fawning devotion.
And yet today I find that my ego is even more vast and secure in its vastness than I had previously assumed. For you see, I have never once doubted that, someday, I will be published. Traditionally published. Agents, gatekeepers, industry mafia, and all.
Oh sure, sometimes I awaken in the dead of night, my heart seized by the terrifying possibility that the last ten years have been a lie, that in fact I am a pathetic no-talent hack clutching at delusions, that I’ve wasted my life chasing after something that can never be realized.
But then I turn on the light and get my glasses settled and replace a bit more of my blood with Dr. Pepper, and I remember that my writing is fantastic and there’s no way I won’t be published someday. Maybe it won’t be for this particular project. Heck, maybe I won’t hit The One until I’ve been living in my parents’ non-existent basement for another 20 years. But it will happen. I have no doubt.
It’s tricky, because my friends doubt their own potential sometimes, and I try to talk them out of it without really knowing what to say. I have no doubt that they’ll be published as well, and I tell them so. But I imagine the words seem shallow, stock phrases to be dispensed on command, the sort of support a parrot could offer if bribed with sufficiently fancy crackers.
And perhaps that’s the truth, and I’m just so delusional and self-absorbed that I’ve convinced myself otherwise. But I don’t think so. For one thing, I’ve met people who are delusion and self-absorbed, and they are far more obnoxious than an anti-social weirdo like me could ever hope to be.
So I sit down at my computer and continue to plod away, even on those days when I hate the world and everyone in it. And I’m not entirely bothered by the fact that I don’t have a day job; because I don’t really want a day job. This is the only work that feels right for me to do, so I do it.
After all, whom am I to argue with a sure thing?